I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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