Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
