Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
