I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
