if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
