he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
