Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
