also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
