I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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