Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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