I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I know her cup size but not her name....
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