That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
