you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
