ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
