Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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