You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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