my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
