that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
