yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
