Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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