Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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