I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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