I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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