i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
