You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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