First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
