I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
