Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
