if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize