Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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