It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
