Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
