so that wasnt chicken after all
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
