Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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