You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
