hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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