By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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