Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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