btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
