I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize