the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
