my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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