Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
