why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize