YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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