I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
