i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
