We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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