How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
