So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
