i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
