Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
