I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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