But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We need to rekindle our bromance
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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