What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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