my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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