Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
