Your mouth is God's brothel.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
