dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
