that's an acceptable place to lick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I could fuck to npr.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
