I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
