I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
