There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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