"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
