Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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