I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
