I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
