babies were throwing up all over the place
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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