PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize