the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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